Some much needed humour:

I don't know about you all, but sometimes when I'm down in the dumps, sometimes some well-versed self-humour is in order! Seeing I can (proudly) claim 10 years of being an ACSian, I am very comfortable bringing up good 'ole memories of the stereotyped AC boy (for those lau jiao out there, go reminisce about your Sec. school days). Enjoy, presenting 'A Letter to an AC Wannabe'...


Dear [name of a boy],

It has come to my attention that you have been selected as a potential student of ACS(I). We are indeed pleased to welcome you to our big family. However, there are a few improvements that have to be made for you to qualify to be one of us.

Firstly, your physical appearance needs alteration. According to our school's tradition, our attire includes:

1. Spiked hair
2. Pants worn on the hips
3. Almost completely hidden socks
4. Shirts not tucked in properly etc.

Furthermore, you must have bushy eyebrows and tan skin to be eligible. Thus, we would appeal that you make these changes ASAP. Secondly, other than outward appearance, what goes on inside is crucial as well. We adhere struictly to our 3 acts: Act Cool, Act Attitude and Act Poser, stressing on poser-ism as the basis of our image.

Act cool: All ACSI students are required to be adept in pretending to be cool in the way bimbos will fall for the trick, even though it is obviously not the proper definition of "cool". We do not want our students to be cool but to ACT cool. This will include mannerisms like acting nonchalant and pompous that will create the false impression that ACSI guys are indeed very desirable and good looking.

Act attitude: Due to the fact that bimbos absolutely love attitudal guys, we emphasise strongly on pretending to have attitude in our boys. You will hence have to act like a very bad person when you are in fact an insecure and deprived person.

Act poser: AS this is the trademark of our school, it will require no further explanation.

To adhere to our school's motto "The best is yet to be", we require you to stop getting good results in school especially in the area of literature, as this opposes our motto. You will hence need to go out more with bimbos, have fun, screw around and be less concerned with your studies.

Your Chinese grades need to be extremely poor and you will have to hate it a lot. In other words, you must forget all your roots and be a perfect banana. You are also required to be rich to avoid being ostracised and looked down upon in our school. More emphasis will also be put on sports to create the false impression that ACSI guys are all rounders.

We look forward to your joining our huge ACS family and we certainly do believe you have the potential, judging by your bimbo attracting qualities prevalent in all our students. We believe that with more posing, despising Chinese and acting, you can definitely be an outstanding representation of ACSI.

Yours sincerely,
Drong
Principal
Anglo-Chinese School (Independent)