Thesis on The Shopping Centre in Women and the endocrine system that it controls
By Dr(to-be)Tuck, Som and Bong.

For years it has been postulated that the urge to go shopping is some form of primal instinct that has been imprinted in the brain of the women since the dawn of time. Before you dispute this theory by saying that shoping malls did not exist in prehistoric times, lemme prove to you that women in prehistoric times can and probably did shop....

Cavewoman and Caveman walking in the grasslands. Suddenly they hear a sabretooth tiger growl. They jump behind a rock and hide.

Cavewoman(suddenly speaks): Hey that sabretooth tiger has such a nice looking fur..... i wonder how it would feel like wearing it.....

Caveman: Oh come on.... it's been a long day... can't we just go back to the cave and have dinner??!?

Cavewomen: Well if you get lonely tonight don't blame me....

Caveman: *grumbles and picks up spear*

15 mins later, the caveman returns covered in blood with multiple lacerations, holding the sabretooth pelt in his hand

Caveman*exhasperated*: Here you go woman....

Cavewoman (draps the pelt around herself): Mmm it feels so nice and warm.... how to you think i look honey?

Caveman: I just risked my life gettings that damn skin for you!!! wth do u think!!!

Cavewoman(kicks up a fit and starts crying): You're not helping!!

*cavewoman runs away crying*

So as you can see... women have had the primal urge to aquire stuff ever since the dawn of time... and they've also been manipulating men to achieve this means. But hey on the bright side we modern men have it easy. All we have to do is plod around the malls and follow women and follow them into every single shop and carry stuff for them.... Prehistoric caveman had to risk getting their testicles ripped off by some angry mammoth/sabretooth tiger.....

So in order to try to discover more about this phenomenen that has plagued us for centuries, me and my colleugues have postulated this theory......


SHOPRIN

This is the new hormone that we have postulated. Because it has such a powerful widespread systemic effect on women(like adrenaline), we expect it to act via Tyrosine Kinase linked enzyme receptors, with cAMP as the secondary messanger. It would also probably be secreted by the Pars Intermidis of the Pituitary gland, since that is the "master" gland...

Effects of Shoprin

1) Shoprin is a catabolic hormone, like glucagon. It stimulates gluconeogenesis, but for some reasons, inhibits fatty acid oxidation to a certain extent. I guess this is why some women despite shopping so much can still have ratios of 0.5....
Shoprin also increases the rate of the TCA cycle. This explains why women can have enless energy while shopping and never feel tired

2)Shoprin decreases sensitivity of the sensory nerve fibres from the lower limb. This explains why women can wear heels and yet walk 6 levels of a shopping mall for over 6 hours without ever getting sore feet.....

3)Shoprin has a widespread sympathetic like effect on the body. There is dilation of the pupils and increased blood flow to the visual cortex in the thalamus of the brain. This explains how women can spot a tiny "SALE 50% Off" sign a 1000 metres away...

Regulation and Control of the Shoprin Hormone

The Shoprin hormone will be regulated by another new hormone, SRH(Shoprin Releasing Hormone), which is secreted by a special part of the hypothalamus, called the Shopping Centre. This part of the hypothalamus, the Shopping Centre(SC), recieves deviant afferent fibres from the optic nerve. Hence, even before a women even noes she has seen something she likes, the SC would have already started secreting SRH......

Other than SRH, Shoprin is also stimulated by Cortisol. This explains why women, when they get stressed(stress releases cortisol), need retail therapy.

Shoprin only has one feeback loop, that is Shoprin exerts a postive feedback on SRH, causing more SRH to be released. Hence the loop builds onto itself continuosly, until the effect known as "Shoprin Escape" can occur. The phenomenen is not well known, but it happens around the time a woman runs out of money and/or usable credit cards.....

This theory is in its infantile stages and research work is still in its preliminary stage. However, our dear Dr(to-be) Bong has found himself a subject, Ms Foxtrot Lima(not her real name), to follow around countless shopping malls and streets and to observe her behavioural patterns during the "Shoprin Crisis"(when shoprin secretion is escalating exponantially). Ahh the brave things that my collegue does in the name of medical science.....